hi guys!
how is everybody doing? myself, just great! yes, i'm tired, i have an essay due tomorrow, my art history exam tomorrow, a painting due thursday, and allll. BUT, i feel like winter is almost over, so i'm feeling great!
i'm so tired of the cold, i miss being warm all the time. and i miss being able to just go out my house and take long walks, hang out with friends and all.

i started my second semester at dawson at the end of january, and it's not going too bad, not yet! maybe it's only cause i haven't had much homework yet.. but let's hope this semester will go much better than the past one! just right now, i'm writing an essay for english class, and it's hard when it's been months since you wrote one!

i've been working very hard on heartbreaker clothing too, it's been taking all my time. i registered the company last week, and i've been working on the new shirts! it's gonna be different, very different, but i hope you guys will like that change. the shirts will be printed somewhere else, and now i'm completely in charge of everything. it's gonna be much more work, but trust me, i'm sure it's worth it! i have to get a loan later this week, just so i can get over a thousand t-shirts/hoodies printed, and then, after that, the photoshoot, the most excited part. i haven't yet decided how it's gonna be this time, but the models will be different. different shirts, different models. change is good! it can also be bad.. right... but let's hope this will be good! so yeah, the new stuff should be out soon!

OH, and i found out that people are still creating fake blogs, emails, msn, myspaces of me! the one i found out about is really interesting, they're just completely translating every of my blogs in french! haha, but still, the person pretends to be me, and apparently they give out some msn address. ANYWAY, SO you fools, don't trust them! i do not give my email to strangers, i never did. and the only websites i have are listen on alexevans.net! i do not own this blog: the-alex-evans.skyrock.com, or any of the other fake websites.

i shall go back to my essay now, and i will try to post more later!
i got an iMac a week ago, and it's so gorgeous and fun. if posting blogs is an excuse to use it more often, then i surely will!

I've been done school for two weeks already, and it doesn't feel like it at all. it's weird. i haven't been doing much, haven't been doing enough may be. but at the same time, i've been doing so many things, every single day.

yesterday, all day, there was the shooting of the music video for our song crazy (myspace.com/markandalex), it was a very fun experience. i just hope it's gonna turn out not to bad. my sister is starring in it, and mark's brother, jonathan crisman, directed it. it was shot in many random places downtown, and there is not like, an actual concept, but we didn't want it to be too cheesy.

we have to film more scenes today, just so the final result doesn't lack. and those shots will be outside, it's gonna be so freezing! we had so much snow in the past few days, it's just crazy. they -people here- apparently haven't seen that in 40 years, or so they said. haha.

i've got some of my grades, for the semester that just ended, and i have to say, i'm fuckin scared. i failed my classical music history class, well, i didn't fail that bad, but still. it makes me so angry, cause i've done all the works, and stuff. she was just such an unfair marker, and she was expecting way too much from us. also, when she was teaching, it's as if she had some mental illness. she would teach to - herself -, and wouldn't care at all about the students sitting in class. so yeah, it's really like, deceiving. i've lost 3 hours a week going to that class, cause in the end i just failed anyway. i hope my other marks will be better.

lately i've been working (tried to) on clothes, and stuff. i need some ideas, but i think it's not going too bad. i don't know when the new clothes will be on sale, but it's probably gonna be sometime very soon. i've been trying to hurry, cause i know it sucks to be waiting and waiting for something, but i've just been so busy. so, i'm sorry. if you have any suggestions, they're very welcome!

the music video for mark&alex should be ready in a few weeks, when the final cuts are done and everything.

i'm tired, i'm exhausted, i'm confused, i'm deceived, i'm annoyed, i am whatever.

the past days of my life have been pretty typical. nothing great, nothing horrible. just life, you know. i have a lot of homework to do, and all i'm trying to do is to forget about them, cause else i will freak out, and die.

i'm not over exagerating anything, it's just how i see things. you see things your way, i see things my way. many people say that school, especially college, should help you find your way. well, all it's done to me is deceiving me. it's boring, it's long, it's useless, i don't learn anything. the only class i've actually learned something i need is english. i need that class, i want to improve my english, i want to learn more words, i want to learn about english writers and poets. but my other classes have just been useless.

and it's depressing when you get less than 6 hours of sleep a night, for months, just so you can do homework for classes you don't even care about. my days are pretty much, waking up at 6:20, going to school at 8:00, going back home whenever my classes are done, having dinner, doing homework, going to bed past midnight. that's all. it's a real social suicide. and no, i'm no pessimist, i'm only human, and i actually say what i think. and i think a lot about stuff. i analyze, acknowledge, learn. i have the ability to express my feelings, a thing that some people will never have, why not use it?

i'm a very very reserved person, i never really talk about my feelings to people cause i know i can get through my problems myself, most of time. i don't need anyone to tell me what to do. and it's not because i am stuck up, it is because i think everybody should decide what they want to do. why would you listen to your friend about weither you should move out or not? why would you need to listen to your mom about weither you should study arts or medecine? okay, they can help you make the point. but if they tell you to move out, and that you find out you shouldn't have. who are you going to blame? them. and that way, you will never learn from your own mistakes. you will constantly, all your life, blame everybody else but yourself.

and a friend called me pessimist a week or two ago. yes, it's apparently what i am. for simply putting reality into my words. i am not depressed, i do not make things worst. i only tried to tell that friend how i felt, about life in general and some things. and all i got back is '' alex, you're so pessimist. '', then why the hell do you think i am so closed on myself?

i am being much of a prufrockian right now, but i can't help it. this analyze of myself and other people could go on and on. it could never end. but then, when it's time to analyze a simple poem, or a short story for a class. i can't. i just can't.

wow, tonight is halloween, it feels so weird. i used to be all excited about halloween, and now it's like, oh okay, it's halloween, cool, what's next. hahaha. i don't know, i guess we get over halloween over years. although i always see so many adult/teenagers dressed up every year.

i haven't been doing much lately. so yeah, i won't make up anything interesting, just so i sound interesting, like many people having blogs. i think it's so dumb. they write a blog like everyday, and they always say so many à la cendrillion things. well, if their life really is that interesting, then good for them, but i doubt it.

i bought many books lately, i love reading. right now i'm reading a french book called 5150, rue des Ormes. it's by patrick senécal. it's so good, seriously, if you can read french you totally should read it. he also has another book called aliss, i've read it last summer while i was in los angeles, and it was such a great story. like, you really get into it, and feel as if you live the story.

i'm done watching the second season of lost, i'm so sad haha, the third season is only coming out on dvd, december 11th! that's such a long time to wait, i think i'm just going to try to find it online and download it, and then buy it later. i just can't wait. the end of the second season was filled with mysteries and action. *sad* haah

yahhh, i'm so happy, i just got my midterm assessment by mail, and i'm passing every class, but french, well kinda, hahaha, it says i'm at risk in french. that's so embarrassing, cause i am french, and i'm going to an english college for the first time in my life, and the only class i fail is french. how is that? i guess it's cause the class really isn't interesting, it's really like everything i've done in high school. but yeah, i'm really glad i pass all of my classes, even the ones i thought i'd totally fail. i'm even passing culture quebecoise (quebec culture), and the teacher just hates me. and like, his class is so boring. it's such an interesting subject though, but he makes it so boring. it's really frustrating.

and last class, we got into some kind of a really stupid arguement. i was going on break, after the first part of the class, and he asked me to leave my bag in class which i didn't. how stupid is that? i wouldn't leave my laptop and stuff there. he really was suggesting i'd run away. why would i do that? i'm not that stupid. he would take my name off the attendance list. he was just being really stupid about it. i ended up going with my bag anyway. like seriously, why would i take the risk to get all my stuff stolen?

it is so pretty outside, and so colorful. i love fall (autumn), it's like, my favorite season. it's never too cold, never too warm, it's just perfect. and all the colorful leaves from the trees. i just love it. and the fact that i can wear a hoodie like everyday, i love hoodies. like, during fall, when you wear a hoodie, you're not too cold, neither too warm, so you can totally just wear it everyday! and you don't have to think about what t-shirt you're gonna wear under it, hahahah.

i've been so, so, so lazy lately, it's not even funny. this morning i didn't wake up to go to my class, i just stayed in bed and slept until like eleven am. then i went to see my friend at his school. and like yesterday, i watched 5 episodes of lost in a row. i'm such a loser, but i can't help it! and i'm gonna be so sad when i'm done watching the second season, cause the third one is only coming out on dvd in december. that's so long. i'll have to start watching another tv show while i'm waiting for that season, else i'll die of boredom, how pathetic.

today, it's my dad's birthday! i didn't find any gift though, i tried, i tried. but yeah, i never know what to get for my dad. i guess i will just give him money, or something. i saw him when i got home a little while ago, and i was like happpyyyyyyyy birttthdayyyyyyyy, then i said mmmmmmm is it today? with an embarrassed face haha. i'm so bad with birthdays and stuff, like really bad.

oh, and i realized that not many people know this blog, even if i post... kinda often... like even my french blog, updated once a year, has more comments and visitors. so, if you really have nothing to do, like really nothing, may be you could post a bulletin or something? just so i don't feel like it's totally useless to write here, deal? thanks!

today something kinda fun but awkward happened to me, i was on the metro, on my way to dawson (my college), and a lady was looking at me. i looked away, just cause i don't like when people are staring at me. and then i felt someone poking my back. i was like, mmm who's that. i turned, and it was the lady. i was wondering who she could possibly be, cause her face wasn't familiar at all.

i sat next to her, took off my earplugs, and said hi... she said hi back and then asked if i am that guy with the websites, pictures, clothes and everything. i was like mmmmm well i guess? and then she said that her daughter likes a lot what i do, and that she would never believe she met me randomly on the metro. i didn't really know what to say, i'm such a quiet person. anyway, it was really nice, but weird, cause that never happened to me before. okay, teenagers yeah, but not moms, that's a first! she also asked if she could take a picture of me,(but god knows how much i hate to have my picture taken), and fortunately i had to get off the metro when she asked.

other than that, i don't really have much to say. i've been pretty tired lately, i had all my midterms at school, and i think i didn't do too bad. i've got a few marks yet, and yeah, it's not bad. at least i didn't fail any course. so many of my friends failed like, all their midterms. it's crazy, why would you go to school if you're not even interested and don't even want to succeed? i got a 60 in one of my classes, and i almost cried. i can't even imagine how they feel about failing everything.

oh, and if you wanna hear something new, and fun. listen to handle me, by Robyn. it's a great song, you can also watch the video on youtube, it's original!

i'm gonna go lay in bed, i'm tired.
i'll post something else soon!

i don't know how many times in my life i've repeated myself 'everything's gonna be alright'. thousands, probably. and yet, a lot of things aren't alright. i know it might sound weird, but you know those tv shows, with a lot of drama and -bad- things happening every single episode, kinda like ugly betty. well, if you really think about it, your life is somewhat like that. yes, i swear. you just don't know, and don't think about it, cause you don't see a résumé of your life every thursday night at 8 pm. you probably already said that those drama-comedy shows are stupid, fake, and ridiculous. but they're based on real people, real events, and real things. it's no science fiction, no harry potter, no lord of the rings.

anyway, lately this has been haunting my mind.
i've been scared to do the wrong move, and get hit by a bus, if you can see what i mean. i've been scared to do this, that or anything. i'm usually not like that, i usually do whatever i want, whenever i want. but i've been thinking about where this might get me, and how it could affect my life. i've always done what i wanted without really thinking, i'm one of those people working very hard until they get what they want. you know, those people who don't stop at all, until they get that thing. well, that's me. and probably you too, and probably someone else too. then, around us, other people are sitting down, relaxing, taking life very easy, and somehow waiting for death and nothing else. it's a very interesting contrast, and when you think about it for too long it gets confusing.

the thing i've mostly been thinking about is the college (cegep), i've been going to dawson college for about a month already, and i really feel like i don't belong there. i'm in arts and culture, i love arts, i love the different cultures, but still i feel like i'm somehow wasting my time. and i don't know where college will get me, in about 2 years. what is going to happen after? what is going to happen during the college? what you have happened if i wouldn't have been to college? where would i be? what if i should have been to another college? a french one? another program?

and believe me, these are only 2/500 of the questions running in circle in my mind.

i guess it's normal to get to a time in your life where you need to make the point of many things, where you ask yourself a lot of questions. but still, it's a strange moment. am i gonna die tomorrow? will i ever have children? am i going to get the work i want to get? is the planet going to explode tomorrow?

and to be honest, i've been asking myself these questions for years and years. when i was in first grade of elementary school, instead of thinking about learning my numbers and alphabet, i'd be thinking about death, how long i'm gonna live and how i'm gonna die. i'd be scared not to wake up the next morning whenever i'd go to bed.

so is everything gonna be alright?
i don't know.

global warming, war, deseases, cancers, cigarettes, drugs, criminals, aids, guns, melting icebergs.

this is the title of my most recent picture; you won't shut me up. it was inspired by people around me, and things i've been feeling lately. we live in a world where only some people have the right to express their opinions while others must shut up, and that isn't fair. my friends, yes, even my friends have been trying to make me shut up lately, how should i feel about that? oh, are they going to tell me how i should feel too? it's possible, but they're going to fail. i don't want to listen to anybody anymore, i decided to completely do things on my own. i realized that everytime i ask someone something it's just leading me to the wrong path anyway. i don't know what it is that people don't understand, but when someone has something to say, let that person talk, it might be important. the little thing the person could say might even be useful to you, and that person will feel good to finally be able to talk.

i bought the first and second season of lost, i watched the first few episodes, and oh my god, i never thought it would be this good. i'm now addicted. i finished watching the first season of ugly betty, and just can't wait for the next one. the final was like, crazy, seriously. it was like all the best suspense movies put together.

anyway, i don't have much to say,
i just had to express my feelings about those motherfuckers trying to shut us up.
have a nice day guys.

yesterday was the first year anniversary of the Dawson shooting that happened last year. and for that first year anniversary, the school had a big show. you will never guess who played. mm? can you? no?

well, metric was there. yes !
i was really surprised that metric would come to our college. AND, the most surprising thing that happened, is that before the show, me and my friends went to that one new smoothie place, and guess who we saw, EMILY HAINES ! she was there, ordering a smoothie, haha. we talked to her a little bit. everyone says how she's bitchy when you meet her and everything, but in fact, she was pretty nice. on drugs, probably, but pretty nice! She even let me take a picture with her!

the show was good, she's a great performer.
the first thing she said, when she got on stage; << are you guys as much on drugs as i am toooniighhttt? >>,
wasn't so interesting, but oh well, she's a rock star, a celeb, or whatever you call it, right? haha.

across the universe is coming out today, and you really should consider seeing it this weekend if you don't have any plans yet. the director is julie taymor and the main actors are evan rachel wood, jim sturgess and joe anderson. i might go see it tonight, or tomorrow. the reviews of the movie aren't so good, but you now how it is, big box-office movies like spiderman and pirates of the caribbean will get good reviews, cause they're oh-so-cool high budget movies, but they're actually uninteresting and like every other movies. anyway, i'm still sure that across the universe will turn out to be very interesting, so yeah, forget the reviews, i'm gonna go anyway.

it's getting cold here, it's annoying. i like when i'm able to wear a t-shirt only, without a hoodie/sweater. and, it means winter is coming, which isn't good. people from other countries, where there's no such thing as canadian winter might think winter is probably all exciting and cool, but believe me, you get tired of winter. especially when it's -30 celsius or colder outside for about 2 to 3 months.

i gotta go,
i'll post later.

hi guys,
asphyxiating.org will never come back. i decided. it was just getting too complicated, having like 4 different domain names and all that. i'm sure you can understand. so, from now on, the blog will simply be a division of alexevans.net !

i installed that new blog script, it's gonna be easier, and also faster for me to post blogs, which means, i will probably post more often. good news? i guess, if you actually like to read what i write !

college started about 2 weeks ago, or 3. it's crazy how things went fast since then. the weeks are like days, and weekends like hours. my classes are pretty fun, some more fun than others though. haha! i have that one class called intro to arts&culture, and oh my god, it's a killer. we learn about those god and goddess from india; lakshmi, vishnu, rama, and it goes on and on. it can be interesting sometimes, but only sometimes. it seems like all four classes i had were the same.

i will be honest, dawson college appears as the vans warped tour to me, only without the bands. there's people everywhere, and everyone is like, just hanging out and you know, exactly what people would do at the vans warped tour. haha. okay, my idea might seem not so clear, but in my head, it is. we also have escalators inside the school, and it's so funny, like, they're always so full that when you get to the top, you just get stuck into some kind of a crowd and then people on the escalators are still getting up, so they get stuck too and all. haha. oh well.

my new obsession is ugly betty. i bought the first season at bestbuy the other day, and since then, i've been in love. who cannot love that show? seriously. all the actors are amazing, the characters; lovely. american ferrera is just perfect. no wonder why that show won two golden globes this year. anyway, i watched the first 12 episodes. and its just getting better and better, every episode. so, mmm, yeah. ugly betty is love.

i also bought a new laptop, a HP limited edition. it's white. i love it, i love it, i love it. i'm glad that we can take our laptop to classes in college, it's so much easier to take notes, especially when teachers are like my english teacher. she goes on and on and on, like if we wouldn't be taking any notes. but, wait, the worst happened last class, she told us we won't be able to use laptops in her class anymore. apparently, it's better to write down stuff on paper. to be honest, i don't see what's the difference, but yeah. whatever. i won't be taking that much of notes for that class i guess, or else they wouldn't make any sense anyway.

i'm off to bed now, i'll post something else soon!